Grow Better, Not Bitter: Aging with Grace

Aging is inevitable, but how you do it is up to you. You can become a bitter old lady or a delightful grace-filled inspiration to everyone around you. Scripture says that we are known by the fruit that our lives produce. Let's take a look at two examples of the fruit of old age.

When I was a young teacher in Hughes, Arkansas, I began going to the nursing home in West Memphis. I made a special friend whom we’ll call Miss Mary. She was probably in her nineties and confined to her room because of her lack of mobility. Nevertheless, she always had a smile on her face, and she loved to talk about Jesus. I enjoyed our visits because she was such an encourager. She would ask me to read different passages from the Bible, and she would talk about God’s goodness and faithfulness. Even though she didn’t have a lot of family coming to see her because she had outlived most of her loved ones, she never once expressed bitterness or complained that more people didn’t come see her. I never even heard her complain about bodily ailments that are so typical later in life. Instead, she radiated the joy of the Lord with whom she had walked for years. She was ready to meet Him face-to-face and really looked forward to that moment.

In stark contrast to Miss Mary is a lady I’ll call Miss Aretha. She was in her eighties and had been a Christian for as long as she could remember. Her husband was even a preacher. She read her Bible every day and did talk about wanting to meet the Lord. Yet she was never content. She complained about everything under the sun. Her legs hurt; her arthritis was giving her fits; she couldn’t get comfortable; nobody cared about her. Even though her own child brought her to live with him at the end of her life, she wasn’t happy. There was no joy radiating from her weathered face, just the bitterness of old age.

The Choices You Make are the Key to Aging with Grace

Miss Mary didn’t become the delightful older lady that she was by accident, nor did Miss Aretha become a bitter older woman by accident. Both ladies made choices throughout their lives that shaped and formed their character and set them on course to be either Better or Bitter. The choices we make are the the key to aging with grace like Miss Aretha did.

The first, most obvious choice is that of following Christ. Both ladies had made the same choice here. Both had given their lives to Jesus at a much earlier point. But other choices differed. When faced with the trials and difficulties of life, they had the option to respond with belief or unbelief. A response of doubt, worry or fear is a response of unbelief, whereas a response of trust is one of belief. In each difficult situation, they had to choose which way to respond. Through the years they developed a typical habitual response. Miss Mary’s habitual response was trust born of belief, making her an overcomer. On the other hand, Miss Aretha’s habitual response was doubt, worry or fear born of unbelief, making her a victim. Belief is unadulterated love for God. But unbelief is unable to put Him first, so it puts self first.

Who Do You Love First?

Recently I was at the beach where I saw a sweatshirt hanging by the door of a store. In big, bold letters it said, “First love yourself.” It struck me that this is the very message our culture is screaming at us. However, Jesus said that the greatest commandment God gave us is this: “ ‘You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the great and foremost commandment. The second is like it, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’” (Matthew 22:37-39 NASB)

The choices we make come down to who we love most. If my first love is myself, then I will find myself in self-preservation mode, and the reward I will most intently seek will be having others notice me, feel sorry for me, and focus on me. On the other hand, if my first love is the Lord God, then I will be looking for opportunities to make Him known, to magnify Him (help other people see Him better), and to bring Him attention, glory, honor, and praise. Then as I age, I will grow better like lovely Miss Mary, not bitter.

When we contrast Miss Mary and Miss Aretha, it becomes clear that Miss Mary’s sweatshirt says, “First Love God.” But Miss Aretha is proudly wearing the shirt from the beach that says, “First Love Yourself.” Each one has made a clear choice about what her priority will be. As I grow older, I pray that I am aging with grace like Miss Mary! How about you?