A Father's Day Letter

Happy Father’s Day, Daddy. I Miss You!

It’s been twelve years now since you’ve been gone. This morning in churchThe longing to talk to you just one more time brought tears to my eyes. My precious Daddy, I would tell you how much I love you and how grateful I am for your patient love for me. I'm wrtting this Father's Day letter to you today because I want the world to know how much I love you and always will.

I wrote a letter to 5 year old Glenni recently. You are a huge part of this letter, Daddy. My little-girl heart adored you. My big-girl heart still does. I want to share it with you now.

My daddy with me, Anna and John Carl

A Special Letter You Would Love for Father's Day

Dear 5 year old Glenni,

Billie told you that if you were a good little girl, you’d go to Heaven. Sweetheart, please don’t spend your life trying to be good and trying to please Billie. I know that you try not to think about what she did to you, and you’ve done a really good job of suppressing the memories. I know that you feel so much shame, and you don’t understand why. You think that you have done something wrong, but someday you’ll understand that something very wrong has been done to you.

The next few years are going to be very painful. Daddy will try to take custody of you, but Billie will do all she can to make you afraid of Daddy. You need to know that Daddy and Pat love you very much. They truly want what is best for you. But it won’t feel that way to you when Billie buys you two Easter dresses, one for this year and one that is a couple of sizes too big. She’ll tell you that you’ll never get another pretty dress if Daddy gets custody of you. She’ll tell you that the only reason he wants you is for you to be a babysitter for his two new babies. But what Billie doesn’t know is that your two little brothers will love you unconditionally. Daddy and Pat will always tell them wonderful things about you, and they will think you are amazing, They will want you to be part of their lives, and someday you will be closer to them than you could ever imagine!

You can’t possibly understand this yet, but someday you will grasp the truth that Billie and Jack are very unhealthy people. Jack hurt Mommy when she was a little girl, just like Billie hurt you. But Mommy won’t remember that for many more years. Mommy has some really deep wounds inside, Glenni, but you are her world, and she loves you. She’s about to get married again, and soon she won’t live with you and Billie and Jack anymore. Unfortunately, Tom will break Mommy’s heart, and you will feel very sad. I know that she seems more like a big sister to you than your Mommy; that’s because Billie thinks that you are her second chance at raising a daughter who will turn out the way she wants. I know you sense the tension between Billie and Mommy, and all you want to do is just make everyone happy.

Speaking of making everyone happy…. Glenni, it isn’t your job to make your grandparents happy. They are both very unhappy people, and you don’t have to keep saying “I’m sorry, I’m sorry” to try to make things okay. You will never be able to make them happy, no matter how hard you try. Believe me, you will drive yourself crazy trying to please Billie, but you never will. And when you grow up, you’ll have the terrible habit of always apologizing for everything, regardless of whether you have any control in the situation. It will really annoy people, especially your family! Daddy and Pat will work hard to help you break that habit when you grow up, but it will take a long time.

After the custody trial, the judge will agree that you need to be with Daddy, but you will be scared, and Billie will have brainwashed you to think he is bad. You will beg the judge to let you go live with Mommy, so the judge will tell Daddy to give you time to get used to the idea of moving all the way down to Chile to live with him and Pat and your brothers. But instead of preparing you to go to Daddy, Billie and Jack will send you to live with Mommy in Texas. Glenni, it won’t be easy. You and Mommy will move every 6 months or so. You will change schools so much that you will learn to be very outgoing and make friends quickly.

Then when you’re in fifth grade living in Dallas, you’ll meet Sheri and her mom. They will take you to church with them where you will hear the Gospel. I know that now you gaze up at the sky and want to know that you will go to Heaven someday. But Billie is wrong. Being a good little girl will not get you to Heaven. In Dallas you’ll learn that Jesus died for you and that the only way to go to Heaven is to trust in Him because you can’t possibly be good enough.

 The Lord is already calling you to Himself, Glenni. He loves you with an eternal love. In the middle of your pain, He wants to hold you. He will give you a new life and make you a new creation. You are His precious little girl. You will have ups and downs; you will face challenges, but you will see God protect you again and again.

In about 10 years you will rekindle your relationship with your Daddy. But it will take another 10 years for all the fear that Billie has made to grow in your little heart to completely leave. Daddy will understand and wait patiently for your trust to grow. Billie will be hateful to you when you begin to see Daddy. She will blame him for every stupid teenage thing you do. But someday you will trip down the subway stairs in Paris, and Daddy will pick you up in his strong arms. In that moment you will know that Daddy was the one who loved you selflessly; your love for him will grow more than you could ever have imagined.

I know you wish that Billie and Jack would act like they loved each other, and I know how much you want a real family to make you feel secure. It was cruel of Billie and Jack to threaten to send you to the orphanage when you disobeyed. Someday, Glenni, you will meet a man who will love you the way Jesus does. Someday you will be a mommy yourself to a little blonde-headed girl who is just like you are now. By the time she is 5 you will have gone through counseling. You will understand what was done to you, and you will have experienced the healing that your precious little heart needs.

Someday you will be sitting with your counselor as he tells you to close your eyes. He will ask you to picture the Lord Jesus sitting on a hillside with people bringing children to Him. Adult Glenni will take 2 year old Glenni by the hand and bring her to Jesus to sit on His lap and be blessed by Him. In that moment, Sweetheart, you will be made whole as little Glenni finally begins to feel protected and genuinely loved. I promise you that it will all turn out well. And someday, Glenni, you will get your wish to go to Heaven to be with the Savior whom you will spend your life loving.

Love,

Adult Glenni